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Coming Out, Then Coming Home
Christopher Yuan, the son of Chinese immigrants, discovered at an early age that he was different. He was attracted to other boys. As he grew into adulthood, his mother, Angela, hoped to control the situation. Instead, she found that her son and her life were spiraling out of control—and her own personal demons were determined to defeat her.
Years of heartbreak, confusion, and prayer followed before the Yuans found a place of complete surrender, which is God’s desire for all families. Their amazing story, told from the perspectives of both mother and son, offers hope for anyone affected by homosexuality.
God calls all who are lost to come home to him. Casting a compelling vision for holy sexuality, Out of a Far Country speaks to prodigals, parents of prodigals, and those wanting to minister to the gay community.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” - Luke 15:20
Includes a discussion guide for personal reflection and group use.
- Sales Rank: #12898 in Books
- Brand: WaterBrook Press
- Published on: 2011-05-03
- Released on: 2011-05-03
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .50" w x 5.16" l, .40 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
Review
Praise for Out of a Far Country
“Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan have told the story of their miraculous journey from broken lives, relationships, and dreams to a place of hope and healing. Out of a Far Country brings home the living truth that in the midst of a broken and hurting world, God is at work to redeem, renew, and reconcile his beloved. I’m particularly happy to endorse this book because Christopher, like myself, was broken in prison and redeemed by Christ.”
—Chuck Colson, founder of Prison Fellowship and the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview
“Out of a Far Country reads like a modern rendition of the prodigal son parable, only it is more gripping. The journey taken by Christopher Yuan is rarely documented. Be prepared, for the raw emotions of both mother and son authentically mark every page. The spiritual lessons to be gained from this book are many. May it gain a vast audience!”
—J. Paul Nyquist, PhD, president of Moody Bible Institute
“This is a moving account of how an Asian mother’s fragile love turns into a prayerful, patient, and tenacious force of forgiveness. It is also a gripping narrative of a son’s search for belonging and meaning. Out of a Far Country breeds hope in every despairing heart.”
—Lisa Espineli Chinn, director of International Student Ministries for InterVarsity/USA
“The Good Shepherd knows his sheep and calls them by name. Christopher Yuan, trapped in a life of drugs and sexual addiction, heard that call and rose to follow Jesus. His and his mother’s account of that rising is a profound story of redemption that all of us in this broken generation need to hear.”
—Duane Litfin, president emeritus of Wheaton College in Illinois
“Relevant, courageous, fascinating, and much more. I have known the Yuans for many years, and their walk is in line with their talk. This important and needed story goes against the wind, but it is one hundred percent in the right direction.”
—Dr. George Verwer, founder and former international director of Operation Mobilisation
“Out of a Far Country is a true-life parable of saving grace for a prodigal mother and a wayward son who needed God’s forgiveness. Their story will warm the heart and lift the spirit of every parent who prays for a wandering child and every believer who needs to be reminded why the gospel is good news.”
—Dr. Philip G. Ryken, president of Wheaton College in Illinois
“At one point, Angela and Christopher were living worlds apart. I have heard their story countless times, and it never grows old. I know you will be amazed by the God who did the impossible to bring this mother and son back together.”
—Alan Chambers, president of Exodus International
“This is the story of God’s persistent chase of a wayward son through the prayers and love of a determined mother. But even more, it is a testimony to the fact that loving God is a far more satisfying pursuit than following our own desires. I am thankful that Christopher and Angela are willing to be so transparent about their journey. Christopher’s desire to follow Christ regardless of the struggle stands as a model for all who desire to love God with all their heart.”
—Dr. Joseph M. Stowell, president of Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, Michigan
“God snatched Christopher Yuan from a desperately empty life and offered him the hope of Jesus Christ. This is a story of God’s redemption, love, and mercy in the midst of overwhelming sin and a heart that was far from God. Get two copies of this book—you will want to give one to a friend who needs Jesus.”
—Dr. James MacDonald, senior pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel in Rolling Meadows, Illinois
“The story of Angela Yuan and Christopher Yuan, Out of a Far Country, will minister rich grace and hope to mothers who are praying for the return of a prodigal, to the prodigals they love, and to anyone battling a sinful addiction that seems impossible to overcome. This is a deeply moving account of God’s amazing power and love.”
—Nancy Leigh DeMoss, best-selling author, host of the Revive Our Hearts radio program
About the Author
Christopher Yuan and Angela Yuan travel nationally and internationally to speak at churches, conferences, youth conventions, and colleges about God’s desire for prodigals of all types to return to him. Angela is a businesswoman and advocate for Chinese-American cultural causes. Christopher teaches at Moody Bible Institute (MBI). He holds a bachelor's degree from MBI, a master's degree in biblical exegesis from Wheaton College Graduate School and a doctorate of ministry from Bethel Seminary.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
The End of My World
Angela: May 15, 1993
It was May in Chicago. The warmth of spring was starting to wrap its arms around the city we had called home for twenty-four years. But that night we sat in silence, picking at our stir-fry with forks as cold and hard as our hearts.
Dinner was miserable, and it had nothing to do with the food. You’d think that after so many years of living with my disconnected but often argumentative husband, Leon, I’d be used to misery. But this night was unusually dismal.
Our younger son, Christopher, was home for a visit. He had just finished his junior year of dental school in Louisville, Kentucky, after transferring from Loyola University School of Dentistry in Chicago the previous fall. Leon, a dentist himself, was glad that Christopher was following in his footsteps. It was expected that in a year father and son would be working together in our new dental office.
Of course, I too had been looking forward to Christopher’s visit. Like any good Chinese mother, I doted on our two sons, but Christopher and I had always been especially close. Normally his being at home would keep the tension in our home from boiling over. But Christopher’s presence at the dinner table tonight only elevated our family’s permanent state of emotional strain.
A few days before Christopher had come home, Leon was checking the insulation in the crawl space just off Christopher’s bedroom. On his way out of the crawl space, the beam from his flashlight landed on something
tucked away on top of the small access opening. He discovered an unlabeled VHS tape in a worn cardboard case, which he brought downstairs to show me.
As soon as I saw the dusty videocassette, I froze. I knew what it was, but everything inside me hoped it wasn’t. The truth was, for six years I had feared that Christopher’s problem had never really gone away. I couldn’t bring myself to watch what was on the tape, so I asked Leon to do it. He took it from my hand and went into the living room to play it. Finally, he walked back into the kitchen, dropped the tape on the counter, and said, “Yes, it’s that.”
That. He couldn’t even say the word. It was gay pornography. I immediately thought back to when Christopher was sixteen years old and I found out from his brother that he had had a sexual relationship with a thirty-year-old man. Christopher had contacted the man, who then invited him over. Sure, Christopher may have sought the man out, but no matter how you look at it, this man had used and soiled my son. Words cannot express what I felt at that time. Sadness and deep anguish overwhelmed me. But I was also furious at the man who took advantage of my son. Christopher was robbed of the chance to be a normal teenager, and what’s worse, I couldn’t tell anyone about it. I wanted to see this man brought to justice, but that meant making a horrific private matter a public one. And I would not allow Christopher to go through that humiliation. We decided not to press charges, choosing instead to keep the heartache and shame a secret.
Added to the terrible disgrace was constant anxiety. During Christopher’s teenage years, my days were filled with fear. I worried about what people would say if they found out. I worried about how much Christopher was scarred, and whether his future would be affected by this incident.
I especially worried about whether he would become…gay.
Even though this was a very private matter, I knew we should do something to find help. That same day, I had been flipping through material from a dental-office management company. This company helped us better manage our practice in order to increase the dental-office income. In this literature, I read about a counseling program offered by the parent organization. It promised resources for dealing with life’s problems, and the sponsoring organization was the Church of Scientology. I had never heard of Scientology. I was skeptical, but desperate. I would do anything to fix my son.
So Christopher and I traveled from Chicago to the Scientology Mission of San Francisco, where we enrolled in a program that required us to be there mornings and afternoons for two months. Certainly, their techniques were a little bizarre—sitting in a sauna for hours or holding metal cans during counseling, or “auditing,” sessions. But I was determined to beat this—for Christopher’s sake. Failure was not an option that I was willing to consider.
After two months and move than fifteen thousand dollars, we finished the purification program. More important, Christopher assured me that he was over that phase and ready to move on with life. I thought we had it all taken care of.
But on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in May 1993, I sat picking at my stir-fry. I was waiting for the right moment to say something, but I had no idea what to say. I glanced to my right at Leon, trying to read his dark eyes. Was he going to confront Christopher as I wished, or wasn’t he? He briefly looked at me, then resumed his eating, oblivious to my agony. Leon wasn’t going to say anything, and as always his indifference drove me crazy. Once again, we weren’t on the same page. Once again, he had no idea how I felt.
I could tell that Christopher knew I was upset. Our relationship had been strained in recent months. He’d been acting rudely to me—more like a resentful teenager than a twenty-two-year-old doctoral student. And this night only added to the tension. He kept looking at his watch and seemed to be contemplating a quick exit.
Leon still hadn’t said anything, and Christopher was about to leave the table. I needed an answer from my son, and I knew I had to speak up. If homosexuality was still a problem for Christopher, then we needed to take action.
“Christopher, Dad found a videotape in your crawl space.” My voice was shaking—with fear, with despair? I never shied away from confrontation, but this was different.
Christopher looked at me with a blank face. No emotion, no guilt, not even surprise.
“Dad watched it,” I whispered. I swallowed hard, wishing this were a nightmare and I would wake up and everything would be okay. I wished my son would tell me what I wanted to hear—even if it wasn’t true. Besides, how could Christopher still be that? After all I had done for him. But he just kept giving me that empty look.
“Christopher”—I forced the words out—“are you…are you still…?”
The question hung there, but only for a moment. Christopher sat up straight, looked me in the eyes, and with a voice full of resolve said, “Yes I am. I am gay.”
He spoke confidently, without disgrace or apology. I couldn’t believe my ears. There was such boldness, as if he were proud of it. But shame swept over me. This couldn’t be true. Not my son, not my Christopher. At that moment, I wished the house would fall down on us and put an end to this mess.
I’d always had our lives all figured out. Christopher and his brother would grow up and accomplish important things in the world. They were both studying to be dentists. They would return home when they earned their degrees, join their father’s practice, and ultimately inherit the family business. Leon and I were just then completing a brand-new, state-of-theart dental office. I would be at the helm, managing the office and making sure everything ran like a well-oiled machine. It would give me the life I longed for—spending time with my family and keeping us all together. But now this.
I looked from my son to my husband and back again. I was as disappointed with Leon as I had ever been. Even though our marriage was totally lifeless, at least he should be concerned about his own son. So today, with Christopher announcing he was gay, why wasn’t Leon stepping in to do something? Why didn’t he say anything? Why wasn’t he outraged? Why wasn’t he telling Christopher that he was not, could not be…gay?
It was obvious to me that Christopher was not thinking clearly. Didn’t he know that he couldn’t choose both—to be a dentist and to live like that? If people knew, Leon would lose his patients. If people knew, no staff would work with us. If people knew, they would be afraid of getting AIDS. Christopher needed to come to his senses and be reminded that
this family practice was everything. It had been our one dream—everything we had worked toward—for almost twenty years.
“Christopher,” I blurted out his name in frustration. “You must choose. You must choose the family or choose homosexuality.” This ultimatum would wake him up. He would have to choose his family and not throw away this bright future in our new office.
My son looked at me and said, “It’s not something I can choose. I was born this way… I am gay.” He took a deep breath and looked away. His neck tightened and his jaw clenched as he looked back at me with an expression I had never seen before. “If you can’t accept me, then I have no other choice but to leave.”
He backed away from the table and uttered one last cutting remark.
“I expected you’d react like this. But that’s okay. I have a family. A real family of friends back in Louisville who accept me”—his voice cracked— “for exactly who I am.”
He went to his room. In a few minutes he came back through the house with his bags and walked out the door. It was as if he had planned this all along. There was no room for discussion, no time for negotiation. That was it. This was the end.
My knees gave way, and I fell to the floor. I felt as if my blood drained out of my body. My arms, my hands, my legs were cold as ice. The weight of shock and disbelief weighed so heavily on my chest that I had to strain just to breathe. This couldn’t be happening.
I began gasping for air. I was choking on my tears, knowing without question that I was a total failure. My marriage had been a failure for years, and now my parenting was a failure. My husband refused to stand by me. My older son had rebelled. And now Christopher, the one I thought would never do this to me, had rejected me.
I wanted to make Christopher stay, but I was out of options. And Leon still hadn’t said anything. He didn’t yell at Christopher or argue with him. Neither did he put his arm around me or hold my hand. He just walked away, leaving me lying on the floor alone, gasping between sobs.
A thought entered my mind, a memory of something Leon’s mother had told him. My mother-in-law had said a wife uses three tricks when she doesn’t get her way. First she cries, second she throws a temper tantrum, third she threatens to hang herself. On that day, I was not playing any tricks. I was certain that I had nothing left to live for.
Most helpful customer reviews
82 of 89 people found the following review helpful.
Lovely writing, compelling story
By Concoriul
In this joint memoir, mother Angela Yuan and son Christopher Yuan alternate chapters in describing Chris' prodigal son experiences, in parallel with Angela's experiences as a mother moving from suicidal depression to Christian community, along with hope and prayer for her still-troubled son. Their voices trade off as describe Chris' early successes in grad school, his growing identification with the gay community and embrace of a partying lifestyle, and his movement into success as a drug dealer. His crash when busted and jailed, along with his mothers' prayers and involvement, leads to his conversion to Christianity and eventual role as a prison minister. Now, it seems, he and his mother speak at Christian events about his transformation, a role which I assume has produced this book.
I got this review copy for free from WaterBrook Multnomah (full disclosure!), and was initially quite skeptical and concerned with how the book would portray homosexuality. Because the book is written within the conservative Christian social field, it probably will not be appreciated by liberal or secular readers. But for its intended audience, it strikes the right note. Addressing this social issue with both grace and truth has been a difficult issue for the American church, and it would be easy to turn this story into a polemic about sexual identity and the church.
But the Yuans, in general, refrain. While their story clearly fits within the cultural genre of "Christian testimony" (with overtones of Augustine's confessions as well as an identification with the specific trope of the prodigal son, moving from pride to fall to faith to restoration), it is well-handled, emotive, and lovely -- a good example of the genre. In his chapter on Holy Sexuality (182-189), Chris is frank about his long-standing desires and rejects movements which focus on trying to change a person's sexual orientation:
"But now, as I searched the Scriptures for the way I should live, I began to ask myself a different question: Who am I apart from my sexuality? ... I had always thought that the opposite of homosexuality was heterosexuality. But actually the opposite of homosexuality is holiness. God never said, 'Be heterosexual, for I am heterosexual.' He said, 'Be holy, for I am holy.' ...Holy sexuality is not focused on becoming straight -- orientation change -- but on obedience." (p.187)
Chris recommends that Christian sexuality remain within cross-gender marriage or celibacy, the most predominant framework within the Christian faith. In acknowledging his inborn nature but reframing the discussion from sexual identity to Christian identity, Chris moves away from sexual identity as a central social marker for the Christian and towards the question of what it means to be a Christian. This seems to be one appropriate stance within the Christian context -- I would love to hear others address Chris in dialogue about this. I know that Jenell Williams Paris has recently written a related book, The End of Sexual Identity, and hope to review her book soon!
65 of 70 people found the following review helpful.
A Prodigal and His Mother Come Home
By John H. Armstrong
On January 16 I attended a Chicago area seminar titled: "A Conference on Faith and Sexuality." The topic was same-sex relationships and the church. The host church invited four speakers to give biblical and theological presentations. The speakers clearly held widely different perspectives. The last of the four speakers was Christopher Yuan. Since I did not know Chris at the time I as not prepared to be moved to my depths by his story of a life of homosexual practice and drug dealing followed by a powerful conversion to Jesus Christ. After three years in prison, an HIV-positive blood test result, and an obvious transformation in Christ, Chris entered his new Christian lifestyle, a lifestyle that has been tested and proven for some years now. Our of a Far Country is a unique book in so many ways but one of the most unique aspects is that it is the story as told by both Chris and his mother, Angela. This means parents will be especially grateful for insights they can gain on how to respond to a prodigal child.
Christopher Yuan is one of two sons of Chinese immigrants. His father, as my father was in his professional career, is a dentist. Angela assisted Dr. Yuan in his dental practice. Chris' dad had a nominal Catholic background but Angela was an atheist. Chris was thus raised in a context without the church or any real expressions of faith around him. At an early age Chris discovered that he had an attraction to other boys. He tried dating girls but still felt strongly attracted to guys. His mother was, in her own testimony a "controlling mom." The more she tried to control her own life, and that of her son Chris, the worse things got in the Yuan family. Then Chris returned to Chicago from dental school in Louisville, Kentucky, and "came out of the closet" about his sexuality. Prepared by his homosexual friends for total rejection this is exactly what he got thus he stormed away from his family looking for love, acceptance and a new family identity in the gay community. Angela's life then spiraled out of control even more then ever once she began to deal with her feelings about her unresponsive husband and her gay son. She determined to take her own life in despair. In his mercy God intervened and Angela became a devout follower of Jesus as Lord. She had a lot of things that needed changing. She began to absorb the Scriptures and grow in God's grace. Her marriage was turned around, hope became her spiritual strength and Chris became the focus of her regular prayer and fasting times. She learned to accept Chris and love him without conditions.
Hearing this story from the perspective of a heart-broken mother, and a rebellious son who finally came home to Christ, makes it one of the most unique accounts of a prodigal's conversion that I've read in modern narrative memoir. I would not hesitate to give this book to parents or even to older (young adolescent) children. Some may question the wisdom of older children, say 12 or 13, reading a book like this but this is a book that explains how sexuality identity can destroy lives. And it explains how God's grace puts them back together again. It is not so much a book about homosexuality, as such, but a testimony that homosexual advocates should be encouraged to read since the story truly rises above the various debates and takes the reader into two human hearts longing for God and his glory above the clamor of modern disagreement.
Does Chris have a view about homosexual identity? Yes, and it seems that he accepts the fact that he has homosexual desires regardless of how this happened. (He doesn't address the debates about how a person becomes homosexual, simply saying he was drawn to boys and men.)
Does Chris have a view about homosexual practice? Yes, he does. He shares it in only a few pages without the typical polemical rhetoric. He tells of searching the Bible soon after his conversion asking "How should I now live?" He began with the feeling that it would be pleasing to God for him to remain a practicing homosexual and a follower of Christ. He ends, without telling you all the turns in the road, saying he came to believe that he was called to a higher standard of sexual purity thus he should stop practicing same-sex intercourse. This has led him to become a celibate in the years that followed his conversion. He says nothing about desiring marriage, about changing his sexual identity per se, etc. What makes his story so compelling to me is that he never engages in attacks on other views and people but very simply allows his story to stand for what it is, the story of a remarkably changed man. The reader can judge what they will about Chris and his life but you can be sure of this - he is a man who knows who he is in Christ and is clearly following holiness as he understands it in Scripture. Honestly, this makes the book unique since it is a story, not a biblical defense or apologetic in the normal sense of these terms.
Chris and Angela cast an extremely compelling vision of God's love, God's grace and God's holiness. Their book really speaks to prodigals of all kinds and to the parents of prodigals. And yes, it speaks to those who want to minister to the gay community in a way that is not based on rancorous polemical stereotypes and arguments.
After attending Moody Bible Institute Chris did an M.A. in biblical exegesis at Wheaton College Graduate School, as a Charles Colson Scholar. (This is a program designed for ex-convicts). He is currently pursuing a doctor of ministry at Bethel Seminary in St. Paul (MN) and is teaching at Moody Bible Institute. He also travels with his mom speaking to churches, conferences and youth groups about God's desire for all prodigals to come home to him.
I recently had lunch with Chris and can tell you that he is the real person this story presents him to be. I love him as a brother and friend and hope you will read his story and pray for both Chris and Angela. You can follow Chris on his blog. You can see his amazing story, from Saddleback Church, on YouTube.
35 of 39 people found the following review helpful.
Touching and Compelling
By Mark Lattimore
In the 1990s, Christopher Yuan was a gay man who worked hard and played harder. After an experience with the drug Ecstasy, Yuan quickly became one of the top drug dealers in the major gay clubs of the Southeast, living the glamorous lifestyle marked by cars, clothes and the adoration of his new family in the homosexual community. As spectacular as the story of his life in the 90s is, it is not the subject of this book.
Yuan's world eventually came crashing down. Arrested for conspiracy and intent to distribute illegal drugs and later sentenced to six years in prison, Yuan was abandoned by all but a very few of his supposed "friends". To add insult to injury, Yuan learned, while wearing the tell-tale orange jumpsuit of the Atlanta Detention Center, that he was HIV positive, likely the result of one of his sexual encounters of the previous several years. As dramatic as the story of his Yuan's fall is, it is not the subject of this book.
In recent years, Yuan, now a Christian speaker and HIV/AIDS activist, has garnered a fair amount of notoriety for his frequent speaking engagements in which he talks about HIV and issues surrounding sexuality and Christianity. For this he has been both praised and roundly (and often angrily) criticized. Though one of this book's thirty two chapters is entitled "Holy Sexuality", neither HIV nor questions of Christian faith and sexuality are the subjects of this book.
What is Out of a Far Country about? It is a modern-day prodigal son story, about a son who rebels against his parents and effectively abandons his natural family in favor of living life on his own terms. It is about an awkward boy whose struggle to fit it and to make sense of his attractions led him on a journey into manhood defined by rises, falls and, ultimately, redemption. It's about a God who says to us "I created you in my image and, for that reason and that reason alone, I love you. Period." It's a story that demonstrates that God's ways are not our ways and that God uses whomever He wills, however He wills and does so perfectly. Yuan's journey from outcast kid to drug dealer to HIV statistic to Christ follower is, at bottom, simply a story of God's unconditional love for even "the least" of us.
More than that, Out of a Far Country, is about a mother's struggle. In alternating chapters running roughly chronologically with Christopher's story, his mother, Angela, tells her own story of redemption through the trials of a rebellious son, a lifeless marriage, and lifelong scars that haunted her inmost being. From her childhood in Shanghai and Taiwan to her life in the United States with husband, Leon, Angela describes for us her journey from atheist to Christian, from staunch anti-religionist to powerful prayer warrior, from suicidal mother to child of God. Hers is a story not only of redemption but also of the power of a praying parent who asks God not to bail her son out of whatever situation he might be in, not to allow him to remain in a school threatening to expel him, not to spare him from prison, but to do "whatever it takes" to bring her son to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. It was a bold prayer. It was an instructive prayer. It was an effective prayer.
At bottom, Out of a Far Country is a story of hope. No matter how far from God we may think we are, God pursues us in the most unlikely ways and in the most unlikely places, in a swank Atlanta apartment, in a prison bunk--even in a trashcan. Read the book. You'll understand.
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